Simple phrases like “I’m sorry” and “I love you” can hold more weight than we realize.
I was scrolling through Facebook late one night when I saw the words: RIP. Just three letters. Dropped into the deep pool of my grief.
I had lost another woman I’d been working with — a mother, sister, daughter — to inflammatory breast cancer. And there it was again: RIP.
I know people mean well. But I have to admit, it stings. We’re not racing against time, carving words into stone. We have time. We can type a few more letters.
The phrase that hits me hardest is: “There are no words.”
I understand what people mean. Grief takes the breath right out of you. Sometimes it feels impossible to find words big enough to hold your sorrow. But we are rarely short of words in other parts of life. Scroll through social media any day, and you’ll see opinions, arguments, endless chatter. We are not short on words.
So when I hear “There are no words,” what I really hear is: “I have nothing to offer you.”
It would mean so much more to hear: “I’m sorry.” Or: “I love you.” Simple words that reach out and say: I see your pain, and I’m here.
Even if we don’t know exactly what to say, we can still be present. We can still show up.
Grief is real. Permanent. Heavy. But maybe, together, we can make something better. Maybe it starts with “I’m sorry.” Maybe with “I love you.” And maybe that opens the door to: “How can I help?”
I have my own pain, too. Sometimes it’s hard to offer comfort. But together, we can face it.
Because words matter. They always have. And I’d rather we stumble through our words together than stay quiet apart.
Learn More or Support
To learn more about inflammatory breast cancer or to support research and patient resources, visit IBC Network Foundation at theibcnetwork.org or follow us on social media @talkibc. Even small words or gestures of support can make a difference.
About the Author
Terry Arnold is a survivor of triple-negative inflammatory breast cancer and the founder of the IBC Network Foundation. She is dedicated to supporting women facing this rare and aggressive disease, funding research, and raising awareness about the unique challenges of inflammatory breast cancer. Through her writing, Terry hopes to create connection, understanding, and courage in the face of grief, loss, and the daily realities of this disease.